Category: CERTIFIED Quotes

Perfect Teeth

John walks through our door, grinning through his perfect teeth.


John could not possibly be screwing a woman with the face of a gerbil.

Las Vegas Wife

I’m the second, the Las Vegas wife, as his KU friends call me.

Blue Cadillac

The mirage of this afternoon has evaporated along with my husband and his new blue Cadillac.

Sparkly Women

I think Skip likes easy, sparkly women.

Snap a Picture

I find the camera and snap a picture of John, capturing the easy, happy moment, as a souvenir.

Cross Pen

Quaffing the lesson in sorcery, tapping his Cross pen, like a wand.


The incantation of the judge, falling sweetly to the tanned downy ears of the…


As I said, his theory boils down to A, the cops are bad; and B, the girl was crazy.

Worlds Collide

“Now, excuse me, but how bloody amorphous is all that? It’s like Wheel of Fortune Murder Edition.” I finish my third glass of red wine, dip the last of the garlic bread in the red sauce from heaven, and order